Why the small moments often define your biggest influence.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how people experience us at work. Not necessarily the title we hold, or the responsibilities we have, but the reality of the impression we leave on the people around us. I’m wondering how often I pause to ask myself: “What do my colleagues, my team, or my leaders actually feel when they work with me?”
It’s a simple question, but the answers are rarely straightforward.
Different people see different versions of us. Your team might experience you as a guide, a instructor, or supporter. Peers might see you as a collaborator, or, at times, as competition. More generally, others may perceive you as someone they can rely on or not. Each perspective is real, and each shapes your influence in obvious and more subtle ways.
Impact
The more I reflect on this, the more I realise that influence and impact are created by consistent behaviour and not by the set piece events. Maybe in the way we listen to others, follow through on commitments, or how we keep our emotions in check when tension rises. Marshall Goldsmith in ‘What Got You Here Won’t Get You There‘ emphasises that these subtle behaviours, not titles or technical expertise, are what actually shape how others experience us as leaders.
For example, I remember a time when one of my team came to me frustrated about a setback in a project they were working on. I didn’t have a solution, but I did my best to listen, asked curious questions, and acknowledged their effort. Later, they told me that my response mattered more to them than any recognition I could have given in a team meeting. I realised that leadership isn’t about having all the answers, sometimes it’s just about making people feel they matter.
Other times, it’s even subtler: noticing someone’s effort, offering guidance without being asked, or creating space for a difficult conversation. These are the things people remember and define our leadership.
The intention impact gap
I’ve also learned the hard way that intention doesn’t always equal impact. I might think I’m giving helpful feedback, but it can come across as overly critical. Or I might enter a meeting full of energy, intending to inspire, but end up talking too much and overwhelming people.
That gap between intention and impact is important. It’s taught me to pause, observe, and ask: How am I showing up? And how do I want to be experienced?
Practical ways to be more mindful
Here’s what I try to do to show up intentionally:
- Ask for feedback openly – Not just about work outcomes, but about interactions. A simple, “How did that meeting feel for you?” can open insights you wouldn’t get otherwise.
- Observe reactions – Body language, tone, and energy often speak louder than words. I’ve started paying attention to subtle cues, like crossed arms or fading engagement, to adjust my approach.
- Reflect regularly – At the end of each week, I think about moments where I felt fully present and moments where I missed the mark. Journaling these reflections has been illuminating.
- Lean into strengths, mind blind spots – We all have natural tendencies. For me, I try to amplify my collaborative energy while checking that I’m not dominating conversations or rushing decisions.
Reflection
So here’s a question I’m asking myself more often, and that I hope you’ll consider too: How am I showing up today, and what do I want people to remember about this moment with me?
If we can show up with intention, empathy, and awareness, we create impact that lasts far longer than any meeting or milestone.
How do you want to be remembered by your team and peers? For leaders ready to explore this further, Beyond coaching supports leaders to move beyond traditional coaching and cultivate the impact that lasts, through awareness, empathy, and intentional action.
