Our c-suite leaders are technically present but psychologically absent. The cost is showing up in trust, engagement, and performance.
Leadership still starts with human connection
It’s been 13 years since Amy Cuddy, Matthew Cohut, and John Neffinger published their seminal HBR article on leadership. The crux of it was that effective leadership starts with human connection before authority. Leaders gain the greatest influence when they establish warmth and trust first, and only then demonstrate strength and competence.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure that a lot of c-suite leaders got the memo.
I observe the antithesis of this behaviour in many of them. They talk a good game. They know the management speak, but their behaviours contradict their words.
It’s the same with attention. They’re preoccupied, distracted. They don’t appear to be listening. The people that work for them feel unsupported and uncared for.
This isn’t every c-suite leader. Some connect brilliantly. Others create a space where people feel truly listened to. Some even do both. But in my experience, these people are becoming rarer.
A world designed for distraction
I don’t blame them. The world feels less connected. Life is distracting. My attention span isn’t what it used to be. How, in the mid-90s, did I used to sit on the bus to college for 30 minutes every day without my phone, I wonder. Did I have a book to read? Did I look out of the window? Did I even chat to a fellow passenger? I’m not sure how I coped with having nothing to do.
It feels easier than ever to avoid connecting with people at all.
- Unknown number or someone I don’t want to talk to ringing my mobile? I’ll not answer.
- A meeting I don’t want to attend in person? I’ll dial in on Zoom with my camera off.
- Need an answer to a question? I’ll ask my digital pals Claude and Copilot.
There’s a cost to this. Especially for the c-suite.
I see trust being damaged. Engagement waning. Productivity decreasing. I see the ability to have difficult conversations becoming shorter in supply. It’s damaging. It means executives are less effective, less likely to achieve their goals, less able to drive high performance.
And often, even when they do make the effort to connect, they’re somewhere else. Thinking about the next meeting, the next email, or answering the next beep from their phone. This is poor role modelling for others.
What’s driving execs to be like this? One word sums it up: discomfort.
Discomfort of failure, of missing targets, of missing meetings. Of losing their investors’ confidence, of getting something wrong, of being criticised by their colleagues. Sometimes discomfort becomes so intense it morphs into fear. And fear doesn’t drive good decisions.
Connection and attention as superpowers
The ability, therefore, to both connect and stay present, are superpowers.
How do we develop them? We do it with intention. Through simple things.
To connect:
Ask yourself: what do you know about the people that work for you? Maybe not much. This is the first step in connecting. Ask these four simple but demanding questions, a fool proof way of connecting with those around you.
- What energises you?
- What frustrates you?
- Do you understand what I need from you?
- Do I understand what you need from me?
Be authentic in your curiosity. I guarantee you’ll find out things you don’t know and people will feel more seen and valued.
To stay present:
Reflect on these questions:
- Do you know how people experience your leadership?
- How do they feel when they’re around you?
- Does your leadership intention match your leadership impact?
Stop and think. Be honest with yourself. Where are you avoiding an opportunity to connect and listen more effectively?
Remove distractions from meetings. Don’t be the person who leaves your phone on the desk in front of you in 121s. The laptop open in meetings. You know how disrespectful that can feel. Listen to people. Give them your attention. Everything else (really) can wait.
‘This is just common sense’ I hear you say. You’re right, it is. But most things are. You may tell yourself ‘I’m different’, ‘this won’t work for me in my context’, ‘my job is more complex’. This is BS. I work with CEOs in £bn companies. It’s the same for them as it is for you.
You have choices.
Agency. Intention. You hold positional privilege. People will notice when you’re not listening. They will feel when you disengage, when you shy away from connection, or when you put your attention elsewhere.
Connection and attention can be your superpowers. Use them.
